Blossom Hill is to be announced as the official pouring wine at all events, state dinners and regular pass time tipple of the Queen. They will receive a Royal Warrant and be allowed to display the royal crest on all bottles from Monday.
Treasury Wine Estates, the Australian company who own Blossom Hill, are to have a literal jewel in the crown. The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh are such fans of the supermarket shelf regular that they have granted a royal warrant to allow the Royal Crest to be displayed on bottle labels. On a recent visit to California to see good friend Donald Trump, the Queen and Duke visited the winery of Blossom Hill and are apparent long time fans of the sugary beverage.
A spokesman for Treasury Wine Estates said in a statement “It’s about time we got something off the British Government. Sent all their prisoners over here in the 1800’s and using Oz as a dumping ground for their scum. Well, who’s laughing now?!” When questioned about which of the Blossom Hill wines the Queen prefers, the spokesman commented “Makes no difference. We send all the dregs from the bottom of the tank to her. That’s off the record, by the way.”
When questioned, a former royal butler who wished to remain anonymous stated “When I was working at the palace the royals couldn’t get enough of that donkey piss. After a couple of bottles they’d be swinging from the chandeliers and before you knew what was happening, we were racing the corgis down the Great Hall.” The anonymous source went on to say “You can read all about the other goings on at the palace in my autobiography, A Royal Duty.”
With this news breaking we can expect to see Blossom Hill everywhere now, from the shelves of Tesco to the bars of The Royal Opera House. There is even talk of them releasing a Royal Cuvee, which will be a blend off all their grapes in one wine.