A man has been arrested after being caught breaking into peoples homes and swapping their Pinot Grigio wine for better and more flavoursome wine.
Derek Roberts was arrested at 8:06am this morning after being found hanging out of the bathroom window of an empty house in south Dublin city. He had 2 bottles of Tesco Pinot Grigio in his back pockets and a bag full of a mixture of more up market wines, such as Sancerre, Greco di Tufo and Albariño. On inspection of the house there was found to be nothing missing, but the Pinot Grigio in Robert’s back pockets had come from the house and been replaced with new wines from Robert’s bag.
When questioned about the incident Robert’s said “I just wanted people to stop drinking that shite. It’s just rubbish that tastes like water and needs to be treated as such as poured down the drain. People around here think they’re all well to do and know what they’re drinking, but I was just replacing the bottles with wine that actually has some flavour to it!”
When asked about Robert’s crusade, a spokesman for Tesco had this to say “The sad thing is he’s right. I wouldn’t touch that Pinot Grigio myself, remember when Coca Cola was caught selling water that was just straight from the tap (*wink, wink*). We’re actually thinking about offering Robert’s an advertising deal. Sort of a parody where he takes wine from fridges and replaces it with our Pinot Grigio. Do you reckon he’ll go for that?”
Robert’s has been remanded in custody whilst the owners of the houses decided whether to press charges.